I need help removing her.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
