Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
wow bdsm is so cute
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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