you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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