They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
