I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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