i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I didn't notice because vodka
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize