Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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