I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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