Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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