I wish life had little blips of pornography
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
