he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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