so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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