I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
