the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
