And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
