someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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