Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
