I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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