do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
