So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
