I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
