Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
