When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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