we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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