This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
