Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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