If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
