just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
