I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
