apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
