It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
