my being single is dangerous.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
