he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
