you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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