The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
