apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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