I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
