i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
