So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
