Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
