He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
