I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
