you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
