My cat gives me a boner
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
