I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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