How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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