Just took my morning after pill in the library
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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