I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
