there's paper in my vomit.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
