well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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