He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
