do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
