The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
