Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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