i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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