i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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