but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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