You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
