I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
