biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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