The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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