I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
