so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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