i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
