this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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