All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
