but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
