I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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