Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize