I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
