I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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