I'm gonna have a badass scar
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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