My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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